(John 8:1-11 (taken from the P.E.R.Version Translation)

…While Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. Early in the morning, after having a time out on the Mount of Olives, Jesus wandered into the temple to do some consulting.

His subscribers sat down ready for their life affirming motivational pep-talk. Right in the middle of this the scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who, to their ridged legalistic minds, had been caught in adultery, when in actuality she was just exercising her God given sexuality in a culturally unbound freedom. But they really had a bee in their bonnet, and they made her stand right in front of everyone, trying to embarrass her – chauvinists!

Then they started their legalistic rant… ‘Hey Influencer Jesus, this woman was caught in the very act of committing adultery – like doing the deed. You know very well what the Moses code, that both you and us agree is a good one – says she needs to be stoned.

So, what do you say to that? Come on, let’s complete due diligence here and if you claim to the be the great religious consultant that everyone thinks you are, then prove it by complying to prescribed practice – This was a great ‘gotcha’ moment, they were trying to set him up because they were so jealous that he had way more social media followers than they ever did!

Jesus was taken by complete surprise, and really didn’t want his Influencer status to be to be tarnish, so he stalled for time by avoiding eye contact and bending down to scribble in the dirt with His finger.

These power broking cancel-culture creeps kept at him to make the call. 

So he stood up and looked them in the eye and said…Hey, come on fellas! You all know how had it is not to sleep around! We all have god-given urges that can’t be controlled by arbitrary rules that try and manage those urges. Sure, doing the horizontal mambo with someone you’re not married to is pushing the envelope, and yeh, let’s try and wind that, all-be-it understandable behaviour back (her marriage is probably unfulfilling). But killing her, really?

Um, stop and think for a moment have any of you had those urges, and maybe even stepped across a line or two. Come on, you get it, give her a break. Next time you want to exercise your sexuality, because the urge is so great, then you too will get cut the same slack – no judgement here.

When they heard it, they all thought; yeah, fair call, I get the urge thing, and it is good to know that if I slip into that place of practicing my sexuality outside of marriage, I won’t be judged harshly either. So, one by one they slipped away with their newly received ‘get out of jail free’ card.   

So, Jesus looks around and notices all the ‘judgey’ set had gone and said, we’ll that worked out pretty good for you in the end! Now off you go, but really try and keep your sexual expressions a little more in the boundaries of decorum, we don’t want to have these public interruptions ruining my subscriber consulting sessions.  (John 8:1-11)